Baby Steps

I just want to remind you that I am not an expert on dating or love. The ideas I come to come from studies and the writings of experts in the field of marriage counseling.

My favorite movie of all time is What About Bob. If you have not had the chance to see this classic, do so. In this movie the main character, Bob, is suffering from all kinds of psychological disorders he has imposed on himself. He seeks help from Dr. Leo Marvin, a renowned psychiatrists and author of a new book titled, Baby Steps. To keep it short, Dr. Leo Marvin’s concept of baby steps, the process of setting small reasonable goals, saves Bob’s sanity.

In the case of dating, taking baby steps will ensure that the person you think might be a candidate for marriage is the right one. Here I am going to change baby steps from the process of setting small goals to the process of taking small advances in a relationship.

I came across an article on the web titled Top 10 Dating Mistakes, and I would like
use what was said in the article concerning mistake #3, Fantasizing abut the future:


"When you catch yourself trying on his last name before the third date, it's time to remind yourself to slow down. In the first 3-6 months of a relationship, you are likely running on oxytocin, which is a chemical found in chocolate. It creates the sense of well-being and euphoria that comes with “falling in love.” This might as well be dubbed the period of temporary insanity, because you are not in command of all your faculties; your brain is hijacked by those lovely chemicals, interfering with your ability to think clearly (a.k.a. twitterpated). Until you have time to really get to know someone, and see him or her in a wide range of situations, it is helpful to not get ahead of yourself; don't strongly attach to some illusion that you have created about the person. This can lead to pitfalls of setting up unrealistic expectations and subsequent disillusionment, or depression if the relationship doesn't work out [and even divorce]" (1).


I think most of us have at one point or another been twitterpated with someone of the opposite sex and are paying the price, living with the shame of knowing that we were an idiot for having such feelings toward that person. What causes one to make such poor judgments? Studies have found that one way in which the hormone oxytocin is released is when two people engage in the act of kissing and kissing someone after only a few dates is quite common these days (2). Other causes might be due to poor sense of self-conception, immaturity, you’ve never met a girl who listen’s to the band At The Drive-In or a guy who enjoys getting pedicures and is open about it. The bottom line is that we are susceptible to being misled by our fantasies of the future, so let’s be real with ourselves and take baby steps in our relationships to ensure that our judgments are sound, that we might avoid the mess that comes from taking the larger steps.


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1. Top 10 Dating Mistakes (http://www.cognitive-therapy-associates.com/top-ten-dating-mistakes.php).
2. Science Finds The Secrect of a Hot Kiss (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/article5683569.ece).