50/50... Not so good

(Experience #1) October General Conference 2009, a friend of mine, Jenessa, invited me to join her for the Saturday afternoon session of General Conference. As Jenessa and I walked through the security screening one of the security volunteers, an older gentleman, asked if me if I was with Jenessa, and I replied, “yes.” He then received some kind of impression to tell me “hold on to this one.” Thank you sir, but we’re not even dating.

(Experience #2) Not too long ago my girlfriend (not any more) and I made a trip up to Park City and decided to walk up Main Street. While we toured Main St. we ventured into the Family Tree genealogy center for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. This decision quickly turned sour. The elderly couple stationed at the Family Tree were very kind as well as the sister missionaries. Right before the couple left and while my girlfriend was in the bathroom, the elderly man proceeded to give me his two cents concerning my girlfriend and I, mind you we had only been dating for three months. His last words right before he and his wife walked out the door were, “don’t waist any time young man” leaving me no opportunity to give him my two cents. Here is some information about marriage in the twenty-first century.

According to The National Center For Health Statistics (NCHF), almost 50% of all first marriages will FAIL (receive an F in the subject of marriage/end in divorce). In other words, flipping a coin can be a pretty good predictor for whether a marriage will last or not. Other secondary sources (divorcerate.org, marriage101.org) reveal that 36.6% of married and 38.6% of married men age 20-24 will receive an F in the subject marriage. In 2002 divorce was so popular in America, it had earned its spot in the top 10 landing at number 7… ouch. To salt the wound some more, renowned marriage counselor Neil Clark Warren, founder of the successful online relationship website eharmony.com and author of the book Falling In Love For All The Right Reasons, states in his book that out of the remaining married couples, 25% will be unhappy with their marriage. Shall we flip another coin? The fact that only 25% of marriages are flourishing is extremely depressing. Let us open our eyes again and look at what we have before us. With the statistics from the NCHF and findings from Dr. Neil Warren, 75% of all people who choose to get married will be unhappy.

It wasn’t until this past summer when a friend of mine experienced a second divorce, that I developed a strong interest for understanding how to have a successful marriage. Most people would agree that getting to know your love is important but many fail to search beyond the taste of music and movies and animals. And I know what you are thinking right now and you are right, it’s impossible to know every little detail about the someone, because the chances that they have forgotten what happened in third grade is very likely. But please understand that it takes quite some time to really get to know someone. How long was it before your current best friend earned the respect and title of “best friend?” My hope is that this blog will help young single adults who want to get married understand what marriage really is (according to those who are married) and how they can prepare for a marriage that will last.