A Sure Way To End Up Miserable

Two weeks ago I wrote about discovering ones self before pursuing a serious relationship. Last weeks post was about walking, taking baby steps, to marriage rather than sprinting to it. This week I would like to write about one issue that could help explain why 36% of women and 38% of men ages 20-24 end up experiencing a divorce.

People have been studying marriages for quite some time yet no one has been able to determine if there is a perfect age for marriage. Despite the unknown age, it is important to understand that word age has two characteristics according to psychologists: physical and mental. Physical age is pretty self-explanatory so I’ll just keep it brief. This refers to the physical development of the body, i.e. height, weight, wrinkles, etc. Mental age is determined by one’s cognitive abilities such as reasoning, problem solving, and thinking outside of the bun. Physically, most people reach their physical peak in their late twenties. Mental or cognitive abilities usually reach the adult level around the age of 16 while emotional maturity isn’t reached until after the age of 22 (1).

Emotional maturity can be described as the ability to manage and control emotions. It encompasses character traits like self-esteem, self-control, responsibility, and so on... I think you get the point. To give you an idea of this term, A person who is emotionally mature can handle getting laid off at work, heart break, receiving a ticket, failing an emissions test, and so on without slipping into a state of depression or throwing their shoe at a window. If the person you are dating cannot handle the misfortunes of life without turning into a Tasmanian devil or a hermit crab, please leave. This person is unstable. No one likes the feeling of standing on an unstable ladder. So before you think about saying the words “I do”, consider your own emotional maturity level as well as the person you feel is the one for you.

Here are some questions to ponder:
Do I think positively about myself?
Do I shut down when I experience failure?
How dependent am I on others?
Do I have control of my emotions?
Am I organized?
What is he talking about?

I guarantee that if you get involved in a serious relationship with someone who is not emotionally mature, you will be unhappy because you will either be trying and be a different person to keep your partners emotions at equilibrium or you will be yourself and ride the roller coaster of misery.

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1.Emotional Maturity Lags Cognitive Ability In Teens (2009). http://www.universityofcalifornia.edu/news/article/22095.